Wheel...of...Fortune!
[cue theme muzak]

As you may well be aware, my wife is possibly a contestant on Jeopardy.
We found out about the auditions because we watch Jeopardy (I know that there is supposed to be an ! after the word Jeopardy, but I refuse to do it) pretty regularly. We also watch Wheel of Fortune.

A couple of weeks ago we were watching when Pat and Vanna announced that there would be Wheel tryouts held in Lincoln City, Oregon on July 8th and 9th. We looked at each other, and it was decided.

That Saturday, the 8th I was halfway to Lincoln City when the rear passenger brake started to make a funny (by which I mean loud, people staring, grinding sort of) noise. This was in Salem. I pulled into the Safeway parking lot and checked it out. Sure enough, the rotor showed definite signs of abuse.

So I turned around and headed for my parents' house. Once there I removed my tire, reassured that no permanent damage was done I headed to Napafor parts. I spent the rest of the afternoon replacing all four brakes.

Well, the next day, Jen and I decided to head to Lincoln City again. This time we made it all the way. The tryouts were held at the Chinook Winds Casino. The line to get in came out the front, wrapped around the side and proceeded toward the beach.

I told Jen that I didn't want to stand in any stupid long line like that. She said something like, don't be an idiot, we drove a long way. So, I left her with the kiddos and I stood in line.

Three large men got in line just behind me. Because the first thing I look at when I see someone is shoes/feet I noticed that one of them was wearing pink Pumas. They were mostly gray, but with definite pink trim. They were women's shoes. I gradually noticed that he was wearing a girlish watch, gaudy necklace, a purse, and sunglasses with a rhinestone heart in the lower left-hand corner of the lens.

This guy is a big, greasy fairy, I thought. The other two guys were not so flaming, but I heard them checking out some guy, and talking about a "cute" football star. I am pretty sure they were all gay. We stood in line together for about 2 hours and we talked about random stuff. They were enjoyable guys; their conversation made the wait bearable.

One more note about the line. I have a tremendously little bladder. I had to pee when I got in line. There was no way in heck I was going to get out to relieve myself. So, I held it. The entire time. For three or four hours. Yay me.

After waiting in line outside, we were allowed to go inside where we got to -- wait in line some more!

After that wait we were let in to this huge room. Marked fire capacity was 920. There were some empty seats, but not many. I bet there were at least 800 people in the group.

The actual audition went like this. Five names were drawn at random from a big golden drum. Those five people played a speed-up round (the round played after Pat gives the ol' wheel it's final spin). Those five people won a prize. They also got to show as much enthusiasm as possible, which was the most important thing, because that is what they were looking for.

There are three auditions of this same size (~800) each day. The audition lasted for about an hour. They tried to get through as many groups of five as they could. They got through six groups in during the hour I was there. That means 30 people out of 800 got to audition. Roughly a 7.5% chance of having your name called.

The third from the last group's fourth name was my own.

I jumped up and down screaming wahoo all the while. I gave the queens high fives and headed for the stage.

On stage the contestants participate in a short one-on-one with Marty, the fake-Pat. He asks your name, occupation and interests/hobbies. The interest question is where you are supposed to be all enthusiastic. I had noticed that most people had talked about their love of the outdoors. Wanting to be different and noticeable I emphasized my geeky side. I said that I enjoyed doing anything -- so long as it was indoors. Then I looked at the audience and said, in my best possible Gollum:"because the sun, she burns ussss." The crowd busted up.

Then we played the speed-up round. I totally should have guessed the puzzle, but I was too nervous, my mind was blank. The guy after me got it. As soon as it wasn't my turn anymore, I so knew it. LEMONADE STAND. Well, I knew I had to recover for not winning so I grabbed the winner in a bear hug, after we high fived. I know, out of character, but I want to get on the show and win some change. We need a minivan.

My Prize
  ¶ 9:36 PM